thepowerofme

For those of you just joining us today we are continuing our topic from yesterday.  I know, I know, was supposed to do that yesterday but some one needs to tell the other city council members that, so they can leave me alone some times.  So lets give a quick catch up for those that may be just joining us.  After arriving to my appointment for the meeting with the councilor I was left sitting in the waiting room for over twenty minutes to later be told that the councilor didn’t get the information that he was supposed to meet with me that day.  So to say the least I left there feeling rather irate, no pissed off is a better term for my feelings on that sunny afternoon.  So rather than going home I called my wife to let her know what was going on and she frantically began calling folks to get me scheduled some where for that day so sent me to lunch while I awaited the call back.  During that down time I received a phone call from the shrink that blew me off begging me to come in and speak with him.  Thought to myself, hell no, but what the heck lets go see this guy and really give him a piece of my mind.  Who knows maybe we can salvage this missed relationship and find some working arrangement that can help fix my predicament.

So after lunch ran over there to meet this mental savior to be greeted by a nut eating, tree crying, spiritualist.  Let’s just say that the initial impression was anything but grand.  Here was a blond headed guy that thought he was a mixture of Mister Rogers meets Pocahontas.  Come on, I’m spiritual, but let’s face it this is never going to work out.  But never the less, gave him a full hour of trying to save face and work with me to see what we can get worked out.  During this time I gradually became more and more agitated and was looking for any sort of sharp object that could be used to end this misery that I was enduring.  Let’s just explain for those of you that may be thinking I was rather suicidal at this time, I wasn’t.  To end a bad experience there are two ways of doing it, leave and never go back, or get rid of the thing causing the bad experience.  So after eyeing some scissors on his desk thought for a moment, a long moment of just ending my torment of spiritual enlightenment by driving them deep into his skull and pretending that he fell down on them during one of his faith building exercises.  Then it gets worse.  After listening to his psycho babble for all most an hour he breaks out his notebook to schedule some follow up visits for the weeks to come.  Then he hits me with the greatest insult I have ever received.  He told me “Well due to the fact that I missed our original meeting, I would like to give you four sessions free of charge to make up for my mistake.”  What the hell, was my mind something that should be bartered for by a few dollars saved here and there only to come out of here as as nut chewing, plant saving, sierra club joining man.  Happy to cry in public and walk through life wearing a T-shirt that reads “Real men can cry too” in bright pink with sparkling blue letters.  I thought to myself rather quickly on how we can end this horrific relationship and not have to kill any one and replied “Well let me get back to you, I am meeting with another councilor later today and would like to see how that goes.”  Then here it came, a out and out lie that to this day makes me cringe just thinking about it.  He replied to that, “No I think we should stay working together, we seem to be really hitting it off.”  What in the world did he sit through this past hour because what he saw and I saw were two totally different things.  See let me explain.  I moved to Wyoming when I was two years old.  So for the most part this is where I grew up for most of my life.  I am a 6′3″, 330 pound man that enjoys hunting, fishing, and a born again Republican.  What in the world do I have in common with this weird duck.  Let alone, what does he have in common with a rage filled man that could snap his neck in two seconds flat if things go very wrong, and let me tell you there were several times during that hour that I really wanted to do so.  So to put the matter to rest and to move on with the story I just said, “I’ll think about it and get back you.”  Leaving the room very quickly before he could try for round two of his used car approach of high impact brain sales.

Lucky for me that during lunch my wife was able to get another councilor to schedule me in for that day while he and his wife were at lunch.  So rather quickly I hopped into my car and headed over to this new location to try round two of my brain saving experience.  I arrived to the building in a matter of minutes and took a deep breath and walked into the room to be greeted with some old fashioned rock and roll.  Oh my, not that sappy elevator music that is supposed to calm you down with ocean sounds, and rain filled escapades.  Some good old fashioned classic rock from the eighties.  I thought to myself now this is a place that I could get used to.  Walking through the hall to the receptionist I was greeted with a warm smiling person that was very nice and cheerful as she handed my folder of paperwork to fill out, along with a snack, a bottle of water, and a comfy chair to sit in while I filled it all out.  With in minutes not hours, the councilor was ready to see me.  Here we go round two was about to begin and I thought to myself if Mr. Rogers comes out here, I’m out and never going to return.  But what am I greeted with but a burly man that used to live in a town not far from where I grew up.  After a few minutes I could see we were really going to hit it off.  He understood me, he had worked in the mines in Wyoming for some years till he hurt his back and couldn’t do it any longer.  Instead of living off the system he went back to school and got his degree in counseling and created this clinic.  Great thing was that they had a psychiatrist there as well so that we would be working with him as well to try and find a regiment of drugs that might work to help as well.

Whala, finally found that guy that could help me get through life one day at a time.  He was great, a man that cared about his patients, not his checkbook.  He cared so much that he would waive the fees for the first three visits I would have at the beginning till the co-pay would begin kicking in from my insurance.  Then not stop there, he would right off the remaining balance that I was going to have so that my total visit price was FREE.  Not only between him and the psychiatrist, did they diagnose me with bi-polar disorder they would work around my schedule not there’s as to when we were going to meet.  Then to top the matter off, he knew that if this was really going to work we needed to bring in my wife as well so we could discuss triggers and feelings as they were happening each and every day.

While I would like to say that I am 100% cured that would be a lie.  But now I am off of my medication with a few outbursts from time to time but nothing like it was before.  I wish each and every day that I wouldn’t have to go through this, but God had another plan.  See the bible tells us that He doesn’t give us more than what we can handle at any given time.  The key word being what He thinks we can handle, not what we want to handle.  So for the most part he must see more in me than I see in myself and I should try to find joy in this even when I’m a rampaging monster.  So for all of you out there living through this illness, get some help.  It is better to get help now, than when you are no longer here any more and people are left with the question “Why?”.